Kids Furniture
As your baby grows out of infanthood, you have to start thinking about turning their room into a kids room rather than a nursery. When children can stand up and begin to show signs of climbing, it’s time to start thinking about it. They may soon be able to crawl out of the crib, and that could lead to injuries. I almost learned that the hard way. My little girl climbed up and over, and luckily I was there to catch her. At that moment I decided it was definitely time for some kids furniture that she could grow into.
The first thing to think about with kids furniture is the bed. Toddler beds are smaller than twin sized beds, and are often build with a small child in mind. I got a good bed from my mother in law, though I had no idea why she had it. I bought a new mattress for it, and my dad built something to go around the outside. This was designed to look like the Wiggles Big Red Car, and the sides were just high enough to stop her from rolling out. You may not find this when you look for kids furniture, but you should find something with no spaces for heads or limbs to get caught, just like with a crib, and you want something that they cannot easily roll out of but can access easily.
Keep safety in mind when you buy kids furniture like shelves or toy boxes. If you have book shelves and dressers in their room, make sure they are bolted down or secured in some way so that they wont’ fall over on them if they try to climb. Many children get hurt on this type of kids furniture because it’s not something everyone thinks about when they are setting up their room. If you buy or reuse something old, make sure you sand it down and give it fresh lead-free paint.
You can buy kids furniture in a set, or you can buy separate pieces like I did. We’ve luckily had no safety issues with anything she has, and I think she is now old enough so that I don’t have to worry about it too much. If you buy a set of kids furniture from a furniture store, make sure you look it over well, and make sure you check every piece for safety. Use furniture can be great as long as it is safe, and you may even find older pieces to be more beautiful than some of the stuff you can find now.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Barbie Books
I always let my daughter have dress up Barbies, but I drew the line at Barbie books. You see, literature is at the center of my life. I love sharing stories with my kids. I love mythology, fantasy, science fiction, and all of the other stuff that they put into kids books. There are so many great books for children. Why does she want to read a Barbie book?
When she first asked me for Barbie books, I couldn't believe it. You might think that I am overreacting, but you don't understand my values. I was raised up by hippies. I definitely consider myself anti-consumerist, anti-capitalist, and most of all, anti-Barbie. I understand why she wants to have Barbie dolls to play with. I know that little girls like to fit in with each other, and I know that it helps her with her games of imagination. But reading Barbie books is just crass.
Finally, after months of nagging, I gave in and bought her her first Barbie book. I think it was called Barbie in the 12 dancing princesses, or something like that. It was awful. I had expected it to be awful. But you know what, it wasn't as bad as I thought. And she was so excited about it! I thought perhaps that reading Barbie books meant that she had no taste in literature, but I was wrong. She still liked the other books for children that I read her. She enjoyed E. Nesbit. She enjoyed fairytales. Soon, my fears were assuaged. I realized that it would just be a faze.
I think that the episode of the Barbie books has taught me something about being a parent. Really, it does not matter what they read. They will develop their own tastes, and their own tastes will change. I know my tastes have changed thousands of times. If my daughter wants to read Barbie books, it is fine as long as she reads. No books are bad enough to kill a love of reading. Whether they are Barbie books or the greatest works of fiction, it is crucial to get your children to read every night. If reading Barbie books makes her happy, I am all for it. I think that is what being a good parent demands. You have to be willing to support your kids, even when they develop poor tastes. As long as they are learning, and having fun, that is all that matters.
When she first asked me for Barbie books, I couldn't believe it. You might think that I am overreacting, but you don't understand my values. I was raised up by hippies. I definitely consider myself anti-consumerist, anti-capitalist, and most of all, anti-Barbie. I understand why she wants to have Barbie dolls to play with. I know that little girls like to fit in with each other, and I know that it helps her with her games of imagination. But reading Barbie books is just crass.
Finally, after months of nagging, I gave in and bought her her first Barbie book. I think it was called Barbie in the 12 dancing princesses, or something like that. It was awful. I had expected it to be awful. But you know what, it wasn't as bad as I thought. And she was so excited about it! I thought perhaps that reading Barbie books meant that she had no taste in literature, but I was wrong. She still liked the other books for children that I read her. She enjoyed E. Nesbit. She enjoyed fairytales. Soon, my fears were assuaged. I realized that it would just be a faze.
I think that the episode of the Barbie books has taught me something about being a parent. Really, it does not matter what they read. They will develop their own tastes, and their own tastes will change. I know my tastes have changed thousands of times. If my daughter wants to read Barbie books, it is fine as long as she reads. No books are bad enough to kill a love of reading. Whether they are Barbie books or the greatest works of fiction, it is crucial to get your children to read every night. If reading Barbie books makes her happy, I am all for it. I think that is what being a good parent demands. You have to be willing to support your kids, even when they develop poor tastes. As long as they are learning, and having fun, that is all that matters.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Better Communication Of Parents To Kids
Although this can be read by itself, it is recommend to read "Words That Parents Shouldn't Speak To Their Kids" first to get an understanding of the complete subject.
A statement parents should not say to their kids is "Why can't you act more mature"? Kids want to feel that they have accomplished something, to feel sure and capable of doing something right. Kids will make mistakes because they are learning new things. It is not wise to judge kids as "big babies" or childish just because they drop a glass of drink or wet the bed on occasion. Such remarks can only cause nervousness and embarrassment. Fear of disappointment from a parent because a child has made a mistake will only cause more mistakes to happen. A child should be able to receive a sense of achievement from their parents in learning a new thing. A parent should give praise to their children when they can go to the potty by themselves or can drink from a "big cup" now. If a child needs to be corrected, turn a negative into a positive. For example, when a child drops their cup and their drink spills don't say "Why can't you act more grown up" but say "You dropped your drink. Since you are a big girl/boy now, I know you'll be able to hold you drink without spilling on the next try".
Another statement a parent shouldn't say to a child is "I was only kidding with you". A parent may think it's their job to tease their kids at home to prepare them for the possible teasing they would receive from the outside world. This concept doesn't work. Teasing from a parent can feel like embarrassment to young children. A parent wouldn't beat up their kids at home as a way to prepare them for fights on the playground. A parent's job is to provide a safe haven from the world and to love them. The world can toughen kids up in its own time.
Another statement a parent shouldn't say is "My child is always good and never does a bad thing". This way of thinking is not fair to the child. Even children can have competitive and angry feelings. Parents should let kids have a range of both positive as well as negative feelings. To not be allowed this is not praise but manipulation. A better way to give proper praise (or criticism for that matter) is to point out the behavior and not the child. Say "What you did was great" instead of "You're such a good boy/girl".
Another statement a parent shouldn't say is "I'll do it myself, you're too slow". A child will feel that they can't do anything right if parents have this attitude. Parents should resist the urge to do things for their kids especially when the kids are old enough to do it themselves like put on their shoes or pick up their toys. It will leave the kids with the idea of why do something, my parents will just do it for me so I won't have to.
What a parent SHOULD say to a child? "I'm sorry" if they say something cruel or do something wrong to their children. Parents may think this takes away from their authority if they apologize to their children. Children deserve respect just as adults do. Get to the point and say you're sorry and didn't mean to and even if you said or did something wrong, let them know you still love them.
A statement parents should not say to their kids is "Why can't you act more mature"? Kids want to feel that they have accomplished something, to feel sure and capable of doing something right. Kids will make mistakes because they are learning new things. It is not wise to judge kids as "big babies" or childish just because they drop a glass of drink or wet the bed on occasion. Such remarks can only cause nervousness and embarrassment. Fear of disappointment from a parent because a child has made a mistake will only cause more mistakes to happen. A child should be able to receive a sense of achievement from their parents in learning a new thing. A parent should give praise to their children when they can go to the potty by themselves or can drink from a "big cup" now. If a child needs to be corrected, turn a negative into a positive. For example, when a child drops their cup and their drink spills don't say "Why can't you act more grown up" but say "You dropped your drink. Since you are a big girl/boy now, I know you'll be able to hold you drink without spilling on the next try".
Another statement a parent shouldn't say to a child is "I was only kidding with you". A parent may think it's their job to tease their kids at home to prepare them for the possible teasing they would receive from the outside world. This concept doesn't work. Teasing from a parent can feel like embarrassment to young children. A parent wouldn't beat up their kids at home as a way to prepare them for fights on the playground. A parent's job is to provide a safe haven from the world and to love them. The world can toughen kids up in its own time.
Another statement a parent shouldn't say is "My child is always good and never does a bad thing". This way of thinking is not fair to the child. Even children can have competitive and angry feelings. Parents should let kids have a range of both positive as well as negative feelings. To not be allowed this is not praise but manipulation. A better way to give proper praise (or criticism for that matter) is to point out the behavior and not the child. Say "What you did was great" instead of "You're such a good boy/girl".
Another statement a parent shouldn't say is "I'll do it myself, you're too slow". A child will feel that they can't do anything right if parents have this attitude. Parents should resist the urge to do things for their kids especially when the kids are old enough to do it themselves like put on their shoes or pick up their toys. It will leave the kids with the idea of why do something, my parents will just do it for me so I won't have to.
What a parent SHOULD say to a child? "I'm sorry" if they say something cruel or do something wrong to their children. Parents may think this takes away from their authority if they apologize to their children. Children deserve respect just as adults do. Get to the point and say you're sorry and didn't mean to and even if you said or did something wrong, let them know you still love them.
Steps For Good Relationship Between Parents And Kids
Some kids have no problem. They start school and instantly have a gang - a best friend, birthday party invitations, play dates, sleep-overs. For other children, the social aspects of school can be difficult. Sometimes this is because the child has a diagnosis of Asperger's Disorder, Autism, or Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and sometimes the child is just shy. As a therapist with years of experience working in schools, I've seen how tough the school day can be if a child has not figured out how to make and keep friends. I know there are simple steps that you as a parent can take to help make friendship easier for your child.
1. Talk about it
The first step is to talk to your child and make sure there really is a problem. Some kids are more introverted than others and they need a lot of alone time. Not every child wants to be the class president or most popular student. But every kid needs to learn how to get along with peers, work in a group and have satisfying social interactions. Try to discuss friendship with your child and set a realistic goal, such as a couple of friends, an occasional play date or someone to eat lunch with.
2. Get to know the other parents
Other parents are your best resource. A friendly parent can help pave the way for your own child, introducing him to the gang, inviting her for play dates. Also, parents may not be comfortable extending or accepting invitations to kids when they don't know the parents. Usually, parents of small children will be waiting together at school as it gets out. For even the most introverted parent, this can be a low key, easy place to meet people and a great opportunity to allow a little after school free play. Try to show up a bit early, smile and be sociable, and let your child have some free time with classmates. For older kids, see if you can volunteer at the school and meet the other parents there.
3. Try to join groups
Find a group that your child can be a part of, whether it's scouts, drama, an after school class, or a sports team. This new setting may allow your child's special skills to shine in a way they don't in the classroom. It's also a new opportunity for you to meet other parents. A bonus is that often the entire team is invited to a pizza party or a camping trip. Of course, if the family is invited, you should make every attempt to attend also, even if your own introverted nature makes this tough.
4. Work on social skills
This brings us to the next point, social skills. When your child is playing after school or at the pizza party, you have the perfect opportunity to watch her interact. Is your child being bossy, clingy, whiny or difficult in other ways? Public places are not ideal for discussing the problems you see. Wait until you get home and then talk to your child, pulling in the friendship goals you've already set. If you see major problems with social skills, you may want to address this further in a social skills group.
5. Pay attention to appearance
Your child may care nothing about his appearance, and maybe you admire his independent spirit. Unfortunately the other kids may not be as open-minded. If friendships are being impacted, some degree of conformity may be a compromise you're willing to make. Take a look at the other kids at school. Does your child stand out from the rest of the class? You don't have to bow to fashion and buy the most stylish and expensive clothes, but maybe a simple move away from the too-short-pants and bright over-sized sweatshirt will help your child be one of the gang. Pay attention to hygiene and personal habits too. Behavior that's OK in kindergarten can be a social death knell in middle school.
6. Beware of being too different
Your child may be brilliant, unique and know everything about comets, and you can see how delightful he is, but the truth is, the other kids may just think he's weird. Don't think your child has to give up his special interests and talents. Aim instead to supplement these areas with something more universally accepted. Sit down as a family and watch the popular TV shows or go to a blockbuster movie. School is similar to your office, where everyone is discussing the Super Bowl or the presidential primary. At school, your child will have an easier time if she has been to the school carnival or seen the latest episode of Hannah Montana.
7. Take the plunge - Invite someone over
For more reserved parents, the idea of a child's play-dates can be a bit daunting. But, it's an important step, because it helps move the friendship outside of the realm of just "school friends." If your child has not had play-dates before, relax. You don't need to structure activities or entertain the children. Discuss in advance what activities your child might enjoy doing with a friend and then try to step out of the picture. As a backup, set up a few simple projects in case things are not running smoothly, such as an easy craft project or a movie to watch on TV. You might want to set up a private signal to use with your child if you need to correct your child's behavior.
8. One special friend
Sometimes, all it takes is one special friend. If your child can make just one friend, that eases the way throughout the school day. He'll have a partner for projects and someone to eat lunch with. Bullies will usually choose a solo target rather than a pair. For many kids, one friend is enough.
9. Encourage more than one friend
That said, one friend can be a problem. Depending on the situation, your child may be demanding too much from his solitary friend. Watch for signals that the best friend is feeling overwhelmed. This may take the form of complaints from your child that the best friend invited someone else for a sleep-over, or would not eat lunch together as usual. This should not mean the end of the friendship. It just signals to your child that he should move out a bit and socialize with a few other kids.
10. If all else fails
If these simple steps are not helping, don't despair! There are many other options. The teacher may be able to step in and assist your child. Many teachers will deliberately set up table and work groups to help shyer kids socialize. Find a social skills group by talking to the principal, or searching online. Therapists and other mental health professionals can work on the basics with you and your child.
Finally, progress takes time. Your child does not have to get there all at once and things may get easier as your child matures. The group dynamics of every class will be different. Middle school may provide more kids to choose from, so your child can find a group where he fits. Just keep making an effort and trying new things.
1. Talk about it
The first step is to talk to your child and make sure there really is a problem. Some kids are more introverted than others and they need a lot of alone time. Not every child wants to be the class president or most popular student. But every kid needs to learn how to get along with peers, work in a group and have satisfying social interactions. Try to discuss friendship with your child and set a realistic goal, such as a couple of friends, an occasional play date or someone to eat lunch with.
2. Get to know the other parents
Other parents are your best resource. A friendly parent can help pave the way for your own child, introducing him to the gang, inviting her for play dates. Also, parents may not be comfortable extending or accepting invitations to kids when they don't know the parents. Usually, parents of small children will be waiting together at school as it gets out. For even the most introverted parent, this can be a low key, easy place to meet people and a great opportunity to allow a little after school free play. Try to show up a bit early, smile and be sociable, and let your child have some free time with classmates. For older kids, see if you can volunteer at the school and meet the other parents there.
3. Try to join groups
Find a group that your child can be a part of, whether it's scouts, drama, an after school class, or a sports team. This new setting may allow your child's special skills to shine in a way they don't in the classroom. It's also a new opportunity for you to meet other parents. A bonus is that often the entire team is invited to a pizza party or a camping trip. Of course, if the family is invited, you should make every attempt to attend also, even if your own introverted nature makes this tough.
4. Work on social skills
This brings us to the next point, social skills. When your child is playing after school or at the pizza party, you have the perfect opportunity to watch her interact. Is your child being bossy, clingy, whiny or difficult in other ways? Public places are not ideal for discussing the problems you see. Wait until you get home and then talk to your child, pulling in the friendship goals you've already set. If you see major problems with social skills, you may want to address this further in a social skills group.
5. Pay attention to appearance
Your child may care nothing about his appearance, and maybe you admire his independent spirit. Unfortunately the other kids may not be as open-minded. If friendships are being impacted, some degree of conformity may be a compromise you're willing to make. Take a look at the other kids at school. Does your child stand out from the rest of the class? You don't have to bow to fashion and buy the most stylish and expensive clothes, but maybe a simple move away from the too-short-pants and bright over-sized sweatshirt will help your child be one of the gang. Pay attention to hygiene and personal habits too. Behavior that's OK in kindergarten can be a social death knell in middle school.
6. Beware of being too different
Your child may be brilliant, unique and know everything about comets, and you can see how delightful he is, but the truth is, the other kids may just think he's weird. Don't think your child has to give up his special interests and talents. Aim instead to supplement these areas with something more universally accepted. Sit down as a family and watch the popular TV shows or go to a blockbuster movie. School is similar to your office, where everyone is discussing the Super Bowl or the presidential primary. At school, your child will have an easier time if she has been to the school carnival or seen the latest episode of Hannah Montana.
7. Take the plunge - Invite someone over
For more reserved parents, the idea of a child's play-dates can be a bit daunting. But, it's an important step, because it helps move the friendship outside of the realm of just "school friends." If your child has not had play-dates before, relax. You don't need to structure activities or entertain the children. Discuss in advance what activities your child might enjoy doing with a friend and then try to step out of the picture. As a backup, set up a few simple projects in case things are not running smoothly, such as an easy craft project or a movie to watch on TV. You might want to set up a private signal to use with your child if you need to correct your child's behavior.
8. One special friend
Sometimes, all it takes is one special friend. If your child can make just one friend, that eases the way throughout the school day. He'll have a partner for projects and someone to eat lunch with. Bullies will usually choose a solo target rather than a pair. For many kids, one friend is enough.
9. Encourage more than one friend
That said, one friend can be a problem. Depending on the situation, your child may be demanding too much from his solitary friend. Watch for signals that the best friend is feeling overwhelmed. This may take the form of complaints from your child that the best friend invited someone else for a sleep-over, or would not eat lunch together as usual. This should not mean the end of the friendship. It just signals to your child that he should move out a bit and socialize with a few other kids.
10. If all else fails
If these simple steps are not helping, don't despair! There are many other options. The teacher may be able to step in and assist your child. Many teachers will deliberately set up table and work groups to help shyer kids socialize. Find a social skills group by talking to the principal, or searching online. Therapists and other mental health professionals can work on the basics with you and your child.
Finally, progress takes time. Your child does not have to get there all at once and things may get easier as your child matures. The group dynamics of every class will be different. Middle school may provide more kids to choose from, so your child can find a group where he fits. Just keep making an effort and trying new things.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Futon mattress covers
I am very fortunate that my children are grown up and are successful in their lives. I enjoyed my parenting years, and feel that my husband and I did a good job, but now I am ready to move into a stage in life that is slower paced and filled with less responsibility. It is nice to no longer have to juggle school events and teenage work schedules along with my own work schedule. I find that I am a better employee because I can remain focused on my job rather than the responsibilities I have at home.
My daughter and her husband are in the process of setting up their home. They have bought a small two bedroom house. My daughter works out of the house so the smaller bedroom is her home office. They decided that they needed some place to accommodate over night guests so they bought a futon. They felt that this was a cheaper option than a fold out sleeper couch. My daughter was concerned about the fabric of the futon holding up. We went shopping for a futon mattress cover that would protect the fabric when the futon was being used as a bed. My daughter also wanted to make sure that her overnight guests would be comfortable.
We found that there are many futon mattress covers on the market. Some are geared toward protecting the fabric, others are geared towards comfort and some provide both. The futon mattress covers are made very similar to traditional mattress pads, however they are available with deeper sides to accommodate the thickness of the cushions. The clerk said that buying a futon mattress cover rather than the standard one the improved fit would protect the mattress better. The futon mattress covers were available with cotton or wool centers. I discouraged my daughter from getting the wool centered cover. There are many people that are allergic or sensitive to wool. Also the washing instructions were quite complicated, and you want to be able to routinely wash a mattress cover that is used for a variety of people.
My daughter splurged on a high end futon mattress cover so she settled for regular full size sheets rather than the more expensive futon sheets. The full sized sheets fit well and we agreed that she can always pick up more during a white sale. The futon is a good way for them to create a sleeping area for guests and still allows my daughter her own space for her home office.
My daughter and her husband are in the process of setting up their home. They have bought a small two bedroom house. My daughter works out of the house so the smaller bedroom is her home office. They decided that they needed some place to accommodate over night guests so they bought a futon. They felt that this was a cheaper option than a fold out sleeper couch. My daughter was concerned about the fabric of the futon holding up. We went shopping for a futon mattress cover that would protect the fabric when the futon was being used as a bed. My daughter also wanted to make sure that her overnight guests would be comfortable.
We found that there are many futon mattress covers on the market. Some are geared toward protecting the fabric, others are geared towards comfort and some provide both. The futon mattress covers are made very similar to traditional mattress pads, however they are available with deeper sides to accommodate the thickness of the cushions. The clerk said that buying a futon mattress cover rather than the standard one the improved fit would protect the mattress better. The futon mattress covers were available with cotton or wool centers. I discouraged my daughter from getting the wool centered cover. There are many people that are allergic or sensitive to wool. Also the washing instructions were quite complicated, and you want to be able to routinely wash a mattress cover that is used for a variety of people.
My daughter splurged on a high end futon mattress cover so she settled for regular full size sheets rather than the more expensive futon sheets. The full sized sheets fit well and we agreed that she can always pick up more during a white sale. The futon is a good way for them to create a sleeping area for guests and still allows my daughter her own space for her home office.
Parents advice
parents advice
Most new parents feel a little scared when they take their baby home for the first time. Women read books before they give birth to help them with things they know nothing about. As great as many of these books are, they often are not enough for everyone. There are many times when new moms and dads will go in search of parents advice that can help with the tricky moments. Some books cover the essential and basic information, but there are situations that many do not even touch. This is when parents start to panic.
Good parents advice usually comes from other parents. This can come from anywhere, but people are often wary of advice that comes from those who do not have children, even doctors. Though doctors are respected for the most part, there is something to be said for experience. Doctors can go over all medical and some behavioral problems parents might encounter, but there are some things that can only come from those who have lived through the experience. There are many books and it is hard, if not impossible, to read though them all, and that is when many turn to the Internet for parents advice.
There are articles all over the Internet that are written by real parents. Most are by women, but there is some parents advice out there written by dads for other dads. Both are great sources of great information and wonderful parent advice. This might be the most useful when it comes to one specific problem. There are books of course, but finding them online might be better than finding them on the book shelf at the local store. The listings online will often have reader reviews, and that can help separate the useful books from the ones that won’t be much help.
There are also many great websites that are dedicated to parents advice, and also many community forums filled with parents who are more than willing to help with any problem a mom or dad might encounter. Parenting is something that is very instinctual, but at the same time, we all go into it rather blindly. It is easy to think that someone knows everything and has all the answers, but if they have not lived through it, they can never really know. Parents advice is only as good as the source, and even some won’t be right for all children and all families.
Most new parents feel a little scared when they take their baby home for the first time. Women read books before they give birth to help them with things they know nothing about. As great as many of these books are, they often are not enough for everyone. There are many times when new moms and dads will go in search of parents advice that can help with the tricky moments. Some books cover the essential and basic information, but there are situations that many do not even touch. This is when parents start to panic.
Good parents advice usually comes from other parents. This can come from anywhere, but people are often wary of advice that comes from those who do not have children, even doctors. Though doctors are respected for the most part, there is something to be said for experience. Doctors can go over all medical and some behavioral problems parents might encounter, but there are some things that can only come from those who have lived through the experience. There are many books and it is hard, if not impossible, to read though them all, and that is when many turn to the Internet for parents advice.
There are articles all over the Internet that are written by real parents. Most are by women, but there is some parents advice out there written by dads for other dads. Both are great sources of great information and wonderful parent advice. This might be the most useful when it comes to one specific problem. There are books of course, but finding them online might be better than finding them on the book shelf at the local store. The listings online will often have reader reviews, and that can help separate the useful books from the ones that won’t be much help.
There are also many great websites that are dedicated to parents advice, and also many community forums filled with parents who are more than willing to help with any problem a mom or dad might encounter. Parenting is something that is very instinctual, but at the same time, we all go into it rather blindly. It is easy to think that someone knows everything and has all the answers, but if they have not lived through it, they can never really know. Parents advice is only as good as the source, and even some won’t be right for all children and all families.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Health Care For The Elederly Parents
Never thought you would grow old? Never thought you would be like your parents? Many of us baby boomers, now age 43-61 are beginning to face health care issues our parents face on a daily basis and we are surprised and shocked this is happening to us. We simply can't believe it.
How many of us have middle aged brothers and sisters? When we talk to them discussion always moves to the health topic. So, how are you feeling? We are surprised to find that our siblings, previously healthy, now have high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, osteoporosis and other health issues. And we are wondering how this is happening since we talked about the health of our parents and agreed that we would never be like them. And we are now embarrassed to admit we are facing some of the same health issues that affect our parents.
So then the conversation moves to the health of our parents who are age sixty plus, many in their eighties. Sometimes we feel they rely too much on their physicians, trust them too much. They see their physicians once a quarter, take a long list of medications and go for frequent tests. We wonder if all of this attention to medicine makes them older, frequently ill, less strong, and more reliant on physicians and we swear again this will never happen to us. What are the chances?
According to common research the state of our health relies thirty percent on our genes and seventy percent on our own lifestyle. So even though our parents have high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes and osteoporosis this does not mean this is inevitably our path. However, if we do not change our lifestyle to be different from that of or parents, this will be our path. How difficult is this?
We grew up in a home with our parents, eating the same foods, acquiring the same habits of exercise and activity or not, having some of the same hobbies or not. The level of influence is significant. It is only when we see that this influence has negative results are we able to distinguish between healthy and non-healthy lifestyles. We may see this through personal experience, through education, through others. However we see it, if we do not want to travel the path of our parents relative to health we must make significant changes.
Recommendations that were previously to exercise 2-3 times a week now recommend exercise 5-7 times a week for at least 30 minutes a day. Numbers for blood pressure, cholesterol and triglycerides that were once acceptable are now lower. Eat more fiber, drink less caffeine. Research is making us more savvy consumers. Those of us who are already on the plan of better nutrition, going to the gym and getting regular exercise may be ahead of others. But how do we sustain this as we continue to age and begin to have unexpected health issues.
This is one area where we can learn from some of our elders. I met a woman the other day that will have her 100 birthday in April. She was extremely independent all of her life, helped others through a teaching career and has maintained her mind and body. For this woman it has been her strong attitude about not relying on society or family to care for her. She feels that friends who have moved into assisted living focus more on what they cannot do and when they see friends using walkers they begin to use walkers.
On the other hand I have met sixty year olds who act more like they are one hundred. They have not taken care of their bodies, are overweight, have smoked, have not been active and they feel sorry for themselves. Some of them have been dependent on others to provide for them all of their life.
There is something to be said for independence; something to be said for having to do things for ourselves and not rely on others. Perhaps it is the sense of self confidence or self esteem that carries us into our later years more able to cope with day to day aches and pains. For those of us already with this sense, let's hope we are able to continue this attitude for the rest of our lives. For those of us not quite in this place, let's work to regain our sense of self, our self confidence and self esteem by beginning to do things on our own.
By facing the fear now, we can avoid the fear later of having to stand on our own two feet and navigate through the issues of aging that not only include health care, but housing, finances, legal preparations and end of life care. We, after all, are the baby boomers, the proud and the invincible. And most likely at some point, we will need to accept that we will have some health issues, like our parents, that nag at us on a day to day basis. And we'll have a new theme "just live with it".
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